I’m….ALIVE

Happy Fabulous Friday! I know, I just posted yesterday after a long hiatus and here I am again so soon. There’s a reason. I feel the need to share something with you all that occurred last night. It’s very personal, but very real. It’s something I didn’t see coming, especially right now. Bear with me though…

I’ve had a great week. I’ve been making some changes here and there and looking at my progress and really stepping things up lately. Last night I worked with my personal trainer, doing plyometrics for the first time. My butt was kicked, but I did it. I did every bit of it and didn’t complain (but I did make a bit of a snarly face when she mentioned burpees). I went home, cooked dinner, and decided I wanted a long hot bath to relax. I’m not a girl who takes long baths. The thought of it is great, but I just can’t sit in a tub of water for too long for some reason. Last night I turned on some tranquility music on one of the cable music channels. You know, the type of music that is playing in a spa or when you get a massage. Turned out the lights in the bathroom, but there was still light coming in from the bedroom so it wasn’t completely dark. As I laid back in the bathtub with my fabulous bath pillow behind me, relaxing to the music and completely freeing my mind of everything, I began to look at my body. I began to feel its differences and look at every part of me and how it is so different than it use to be. Before I knew it, my eyes were welled up with tears. Then, they were streaming down my face. I wasn’t sobbing. It was just a peaceful realization of accomplishment, change, and happiness. I was completely overwhelmed by this. I had become so “tough” I thought. Tough girls don’t cry. And why was I crying? It just all accumulated at once. Yes, I had seen my progress every day (or lack thereof some days), but some times we don’t truly sit back and see it for what it is. This isn’t me asking for a pat on the back from anyone, either. I don’t want or need that. I guess more than anything I wanted to share this because it was so out of the blue to me, yet so incredibly real. No one considers the emotional rollercoaster that a weight loss and health journey can be for one person. These were not sad tears at all. They were happy tears to celebrate how far I have come, and a salute to how much further I will go. It does not mean I had a moment of weakness. It means I am alive.

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